"...I wouldn't want to not show up, and disappoint you."

Everyone knows at least one person where the space-time-continuum runs a bit differently from everyone else. These are the people whos “fifteen minutes” really means an hour and a half; somehow people still love them even if they sleep through the lunch you had planned with them a week in advance.

But why? Why is this shenanigans so acceptable for some people and not at all for others? At what point do people take responsibility, punctuality, and courtesy- to toss them aside, reduced to such a precedent?

Maybe it was the way I was raised. My dad was a military man.. but more importantly, a controlling one. Any time I would want to make plans I knew the hundred questions that would be cast in my direction. Whereareyougoing-Atwhattime-whosdriving-howareyougettingthere-whattimewillyoubedone-howmanyotherpeoplearegoing-howmuchdoesitcost-ect. They were questions that are engraved into my soul.

Of course, growing up, it could be very frustrating to answer all of them. The one issue I had with the interrogation before attempting to go out was that I often didn’t have all of the answers. It wasn’t even my fault most of the time. Some people are just really laid back about things. Another friend wants to join- the more the merrier. We’re having a great time and good conversation- so lets not end it. What is that place, over there, that I didn’t know existed- lets check it out. This way of thinking was unacceptable to my dad. Not enough pre-emptive details. Sometimes, I’d even consider it to be close-minded of him.

I think my mannerisms have morphed into a hybrid of these social attitudes. I love making plans with people who can follow through with them. Having a decent schedule, goal, or destination can guarantee a good time. Anything random that happens en liaison can either turn plans sour or make them the better. But you never know which it would be, or IF anything random would happen. Which is why sometimes I’m not in the mood to just wander aimlessly, hoping that my existence is enough to enjoy the time I share with someone. Though, there are occasions when I’d rather not know. I like surprises and adventure. Sometimes, I just want to get lost, escaping my reality, letting the stress of an agenda melt away- and feel like I discovered something. Sometimes, I just want to exist.

But at the end of the day, it reduces to the fact that in social situations, you CAN’T always be in control, because you cannot control the thoughts and actions of people around you. That’s what makes interaction such a bittersweet obsession for everyone.

So, yes- I counted how many electrical outlets were in every room when I first checked out the apartment in which I now reside. I have a calendar to mark down my hours of work. I know when I have appointments. When I’m free. How much time I can dedicate to others. I think about travel time- including traffic- how much gas is in a car if that is the mode of transportation. I’m mindful of how crowded a place will probably be, and how it will affect myself and whomever might be with me. I consider the lifestyle and monetary situation of those involved... and it goes on. When I’m the one making the plans, I like to think I’m considerate.

But I don’t want to be controlling like my dad.

I don’t want the questions which have helped shape me into an independent, successful young woman to consume me. So every once in a while, I try to let go. I try to let someone else make the plans, call the shots.

“...I wouldn’t want to not show up, and disappoint you.” was something a friend of mine recently admitted when I asked him if he wanted to catch up later in the week. I was satisfied that he at least admitted he was one of those guys. One of those people that will disappoint you with no notice if you make plans. One of those people that somehow gets away with it, but leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. At least he warned me. I have too often been disappointed by the lack of effort by others.

In fact, I can only think of one occasion when someone really succeeded on that notion. It was a trip to NY. Even though I had all of my travel information stowed in my bag, even though I had my own agenda lingering in the subconscious of my mind, I didn’t have to use it. I didn’t have to make a single “suggestion” to guide the day.

Of course it took some effort to relax- I felt venerable to the unknown and scarred by the unanswered questions (which seemed like a plague at the time). But I could get used to it. I could learn to let go if people were dependable like that more often..

..which brings us back to that bittersweet obsession everyone has. You just never know what will happen.